I feel like a pathetic sack of shit. I’m sitting here watching Johnny Thunders concerts while trying to squeeze enough dope out of my cottons to stay well overnight. I miss my clothes, my guitars and my hair. I miss taking care of my appearance. Something from Mona et Moi, a French film that Thunders starred in, really got to me. In one scene he told the gang of kids who were attempting to arrange a concert with him that “There are two kinds of people, there’s junkies, and there’s drug users. I’m a drug user.”
I think my life needs a major overhaul but I don’t know where to start. I was thrown out of all my bands because I’d rather be on heroin than with them, but they all had their own obnoxious tendencies that actually drove me away more than my own drug use ever could. I have no contact with my former teacher, whom I idolized for turning me from a clumsy idiot to a competent player and songwriter. The local music scene is shit. No one to play with and no one who wants to play with me.
I’m fucked and I, along with other minor factors, have completely ruined my life.
-John.
